I hate when people start with the “people die in threes” bullshit. As soon as Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died on the same day, Ed McMahon got lumped in and there was your magic three… except David Carradine just hung himself with a rope tied around his dork and, of course, the death of… HIM! Now maybe you can lump Carradine and Captain Chaos with a third and have another wacky trinity, but it’s all BS. Compounded to this is the fact that huckster Billy Mays died today. This begs the question of if Mays is even really a celebrity. Certainly he was more important than Ed McMahon, who practically did nothing but watch and laugh at other people’s shit for the past 50 years.
What really upsets me about the events of the past few days is how Farrah got pushed aside completely, so that the world may weep over the loss of a goddamn (alleged) pedophile. We don’t need to go over the reasons for the pedophile accusations. We all know he was guilty as shit and even admitted on camera to sleeping in bed with little boys. I do not discount his effect on the entertainment world, even if I am not a fan of his music. But let’s not also forget that he was a socially retarded attention whore that dressed like Captain Crunch and had a penchant for little boys.
Farrah, on the other hand, completely tore it up in The Burning Bed, was also a cultural icon and, most importantly, rode shotgun with JJ and Victor in The Cannonball Run. I just watched that movie, for the thousandth time, with my buddy The Sugar and it took us about three hours to get through. We just kept rewinding and laughing our asses off. Personally, I never owned Farrah’s classic swimsuit poster, and I only found her relatively attractive (I preferred Jacklyn Smith), but she seemed like a decent gal and checked out in a shitty manner (no pun intended). Just as we start to morn her, here comes that rubber-nosed attention whore to steal up the whole scene, baby. Sad.
As for Billy Mays… well, I didn’t wish death on the guy and I feel sorry for his family. But he pretty much always came off as a giant asshole. Still, I salute you and all your products a sane person would never buy.
I’m watching Charlie’s Angels right now and can’t help but feel a little sad. The 70′s had some of the greatest TV of all time and I truly miss the show. So this one is for you, Farrah. Fuck the rest.
"You know what I like best about trees?"
